Tales From /lost+found 41: Planet Earth is Blue, and There’s Nothing I Can Do

When Christopher Lee died last year, a lot of people joked about the basic unbelievably of Death actually being a thing that could happen to him. With David Bowie, that’s not really a joke. David Bowie always sort of seemed less like a man and more like a force of nature. It seems wrong that he should even be capable of doing such a mundane thing as dying. For a lot of my life, I was only really aware of David Bowie on a subconscious level, like the weather.

When I started this project of mine, a big part of my mandate was to always make choices that were both obvious and believable, rather than being especially what I wanted to do. That’s why the enemies from the Time War turned out to be the War Lords and not the Abstract Concept of Capitalism, and why the tenth Doctor is Rowan Atkinson and not Robert Carlyle.

But to hell with all that this week.

Check below the fold for the back cover text.

Doctor Who Meets Scratchman with David Bowie

Click to embiggen

What if…

The Doctor refused to fight in the Time War?

All the Doctor wanted was a nice picnic. All Professor Bernice Summerfield wanted was a nice stiff drink or six. And all the alien safecracker Crevulax wanted was a quiet, closed planet where she could lie low until the galactic police lost her trail.

What none of them wanted was to be chased across the English countryside by living scarecrows, Nazi ghosts, Cybermen, and the Greek god Pan. Just who is the Scratchman, why is he interfering with the nature of reality?

And what does any of this have to do with bananas?

When the Doctor used the Key to Time to escape from Zodin and the War Lords, he thought he was safely beyond the reach of the War. But there are some things you can only run away from for so long…


Starring David Bowie (The Doctor), Lisa Bowerman (Benny), and Iman (Crevulax)


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